Ask Autistic Advocates is an interview series that celebrates autism and how it enhances our lives.
Each week, a new interviewee gives readers a glimpse into what makes them, them, and how autism has helped shaped their lives. Today we’re getting to know SquarePeg founder, Amy Richards.
Tell us a bit about yourself
I’m Amy Richards. I’m 42 and I live in Cardiff in the UK with my wife – we got married in 2013.
I’m self employed as a techie VA (Virtual Assistant) and OBM (Online Business Manager) and work from home, which suits me perfectly! I used to be a high school teacher, until autistic burnout struck and I decided to quit and create a life more suited to my needs as an autistic person.
My special interests tend to come and go (see: guitar, dolls’ houses, Medieval times, photography, salsa dancing… I could go on!), but the long term ones that seem to stick with me are online business, self-development, feminism, and autism in women.
When and why did you start actively advocating?
I’m not sure I would quite call myself an advocate, but I started a podcast in October 2020 in which I chat with a different autistic woman each week (I also interview trans and nonbinary guests). I felt that adult female autistic voices needed to be heard more, especially those of ‘ordinary’ women.
So many women discover they’re autistic later in life, and – especially if you don’t also have learning difficulties – there seems to be very little appropriate support available for us. Being diagnosed and then just told ‘Off you go then’ can feel very isolating; there’s a feeling of anti-climax and ‘what next?’, and there’s no guidance about how to deal with the emotional fallout, or how to navigate your diagnosis with family, friends, colleagues etc.
And then of course not everyone is privileged enough to even be able to get a diagnosis in the first place. But formally diagnosed or not, realising you’re autistic as an adult can mean reframing your entire past life, not to mention confronting the mental health issues that can arise from a lifetime of masking.
I’m not an expert in autism – other than through my own experience – but I thought that listening to honest and relatable conversations between autistic adults might help other women to think through different aspects of being autistic, and maybe even help them process their diagnosis and understand themselves better.
What do you love most about being autistic?
Such a good question! I think for me this would be my strong sense of independence and my self-sufficiency. This was commented on by one of my teachers when I was 10-years old, and I’m the same now.
I can honestly say I’ve never felt bored when I’ve been alone (though I’ve often been bored to tears with other people!). I’m sure that my ability to entertain myself and enjoy being alone with my thoughts are part of being autistic.
I also have to add that I also love my ability to hyper-focus and pay close attention to detail. I’m never happier than when I’ve got a project to work on that involves using these skills. Being so involved in what I’m doing that I stop noticing time passing is my happy place!
Related: Ask Autistic Advocates: Sarah Duggan
What is the biggest challenge you’ve faced and how did you overcome it?
This is such a hard question for me to answer, because my whole life kind of feels like a series of challenges (but then isn’t everyone’s?) and I’m not sure that any one of them stands out as the biggest. So I’ve picked two.
My first really big challenge in life was getting my undergraduate degree. I had to leave uni at the end of my first year after failing the year due to depression (related to my then-undiagnosed autism) and came very close to failing my repeat year as well, due to a combination of poor executive function and trying to be a full-time student while working two jobs.
I think it was a mixture of determination and learning from my mistakes – I addressed the issue the second time around and got help before it was too late – that enabled me to overcome the obstacles. It also helped that I managed to find a job more suited to my needs, so I could support myself through the rest of uni with less stress.
Training as a teacher and working in that role for 12 years was a series of massive challenges for me – but perhaps an even greater one was making the decision to leave that career and start my own business. That was in 2015.
I knew almost nothing about running a business and had to learn on the job! I think I made around £4,000 the first year. But I invested in training, support and networking and gradually the business grew until I was able to support myself. Perseverance, along with positive thinking and taking action (and also taking huge leaps of faith!) helped me rise to the challenge.
What myth would you like to bust?
That functioning labels are a thing. I might have a postgraduate qualification and run my own business, but that doesn’t mean I cope well with everyday life or find anything in life easy.
In fact, being assumed to be ‘high functioning’ – or even neurotypical – can actually add an additional burden, and lead to exhausting masking behaviours that have a huge fallout both emotionally and in terms of energy levels. Ironically, I ‘function’ far worse after spending a day around other people, masking.
The autism spectrum is not a straight line, with ‘high functioning’ people at one end, needing no support whatsoever, and ‘low functioning’ people at the other. I’d be classed as ‘high functioning’ were this the case.
In fact, my ‘official’ diagnosis actually states that I have ASD ‘at the higher end of the spectrum’ (facepalm) – but that label doesn’t take into account the immense stress, anxiety and sheer exhaustion of living what at first glance might seem like a neurotypical life on the outside, while contending with all my autistic traits on the inside.
Like everyone, my functioning levels fluctuate daily/hourly. And how should nonverbal autistic people with degrees be labelled, for example? Or those capable of academic brilliance, but unable to live independently?
If you could tell your younger self one thing, what would it be?
I ask this question on my podcast every week, so you’ve turned the tables on me here! 😊
I wouldn’t want to say anything to my younger self that would change the trajectory of my life, as I believe we’re all the product of our experiences, and I’d be a different person if my life had been different, or I hadn’t done the things I’ve done or met the people I’ve met.
But if I could go back, I suppose I’d like to visit 13-year-old me and reassure her that one day everything will make sense – that there is an explanation for everything in her life, everything that makes her odd, weird, different, socially inept, anxious, depressed, appalling at sports, happiest alone yet keen to have friends.
And that there is nothing wrong with her.
Amy is the founder of SquarePeg, an online resource and podcast designed to help other autistic women find a sense of community, navigate diagnosis, find their true selves again afterwards, and imagine and create lives which fit around their autism, rather than being at odds with it.